Everything at Once

I hope you all have enjoyed my Disney Challenge. I've been so busy lately that I haven't had much time, nor effort, to write a real entry. But here we are.

Update: I have officially decided to change my driving plans. I will be taking three days to get down to Florida instead of the original two. I will write more about my plans in a later entry. The reason I actually bring it up now is in reference to the Disney Challenge. I timed it out just right where my last entry would be on the day that I leave. Due to the fact that I'm leaving a day earlier now, I will have to adjust. I won't really have internet access on the trip. So that means, I will be doing two posts in one day to catch up and get back on track. I just wanted you to know that when you see two entries in one day, I really do know how to count!

But the real point of this entry is not to discuss the Disney Challenge I have been working on. It's to discuss my mental and emotional state right now. Which, currently, is a big mess. I'm still totally excited about the Disney aspect. And excited to meet all the new people and make friends. The experience will be great, and it'll be fun to live in a new state and try new things. What is getting me is the not being at home part. As my departure comes closer, I've started to think about the physical aspect of leaving this place. It's going to be strange. And I'm getting nervous. I'm going to miss so many things. But it's more than the missing. It's the not being able to come home. It's the being so far away from my family part. I'm starting to have little panic attacks here and there. I think once I get down to Florida, for the most part anyway, I'll be fine. But it's nerve-racking to think about this next big step in my life.

Then I find out that my father really isn't too keen on this decision. He thinks that doing the internship is "okay" but that I need to seriously consider things when I look into any future plans with Disney. The whole conversation had a dire undertone that, at least to me, meant that he is not supportive of working for this company. I hope he's wrong. I think I will seriously enjoy it. But now the seed is planted and I'm suspicious. What if I don't like it? Or what if something does go wrong? Or what if the company is fine, but I just don't like being away from IL and my family? It's just all so confusing.

There is a quote from the Disney-Pixar movie Ratatouille. Gusteau tells Remy "If you focus on what you left behind, you will never be able to see what lies ahead." I feel this is definitely true. Part of my freak out is that I am focusing on what I'm leaving behind. My home, my friends, my family, etc. I'm not saying I shouldn't keep them in my thoughts, but I can't let that be my main focus. It tends to blind me to the possibilities in the future. I can't let that hold me back. I really have no idea what's going to happen, but I've decided that I am just going to go for it. Am I going in blind? Definitely. But I'll never know what the future has in store for me if I don't take chances. This is a chance that I've decided is worth the risk. I'm going to see where Disney leads me. If I have a future with them, wonderful. If I don't, no harm no foul. But either way, at least I'll have fun in the process.